Lingering is the Point

During our recent travel in Spain, we were doing a food tour around the Gothic Quarter in Barcelona. We were at our last stop, and it was just the four of us in our family, plus our tour guide, Ger. We had indulged in some of the local Spanish tapas, pan con tomate, croquetas, and patatas bravas, and of course some local desserts, and we were just talking. We were asking our guide question after question about Spanish culture, food, entertainment, and she was asking us the same about America. Before we knew it, an hour had passed after we had gotten done eating. She said this is a common Spanish practice, and they even have a name for it: sobremesa. Sobremesa, literally translated “above the table”, is the time spent after the meal, just enjoying the company and community of the people you are dining with, whether family, friends, or strangers. The term struck a chord with me, because in our family, we make it a practice, whenever we dine out or eat at home just the four of us, to linger at the table, no phones, no TV, just a time to talk, catch up on the day, and enjoy the most important people in our lives.

Then we went to Portugal, and realized that they refer to desserts as sobremesas, which made the term even better for me. Good company while enjoying a pastel de nata, the iconic Portuguese custard tart? Yes please!

Another favorite during our trip was finding the smallest, most hole-in-the-wall family-run restaurants that we could. One night, we dined in a restaurant with only 8 seats. The server took our order, got our drinks, then to our surprise, donned an apron and started cooking all the food! It was as if we were in his dining room at home and he was cooking for us. Was it the fastest meal of our trip? Of course not. Back home, some might have grumbled about the slow refills or the food not arriving in perfect sequence, but the paradigm shift is that while we wanted to enjoy good food, Europeans intentionally focus more on the company and the experience than on how fast they can get in and out of a restaurant en route to all their frenetic activities. I think we can learn from them.

The last observation that I loved was the concept of community tables. At more than one café or restaurant we went to, one of the main seating options was a large table with 12 (or more) seats. This wasn’t reserved for a single party. Rather, in these cramped spaces where seating is first come, first served, if there is an open seat or two, you take them. That might place you right next to, or across from, a construction worker, a mom and her kids, a couple on a date, or a group of girlfriends catching up on the latest news. Some might talk to you, others are engrossed in other conversations, but the idea is fascinating and fun to me. When did we stop meeting and finding community with people we didn’t arrive with?

I love traveling, and I love coming home. I love learning about other cultures, and I love looking for ways that I can take the best parts of what I see elsewhere and incorporate them in Marion, Ohio. To be honest, I don’t know yet how to merge all of these ideas, but the crux of the observation is to share the idea of reframing dining as relationship and community building. To reframe cramped spaces as places to bring intentional closeness and intimacy. To reframe slow service as a gift that a restaurant gives patrons to enjoy not only food, but people, before, during, and after the meal.

One of the best souvenirs I brought home was not a magnet or a t-shirt. It was a word, sobremesa, and a reminder that the table is worth sitting at a while longer.

Do you see ways of incorporating any of these ideas at local establishments? I’d love to hear your ideas.